Progress

We had a very lively guest speaker in class last night. My favorite comment of his (regarding plans for the city):

"That is nothing a few good funerals couldn't fix."

I am totally going to use that someday.

Security Guard

Every time I drive into the parking garage at SLU, I think that the security guard must have the dullest job. They sit in a glass box and just watch people come and go. They don't take tickets and there is no computer to waste time with. They literally just sit there. I don't know how they don't fall asleep.

I have also noticed that these parking garages are definitely not mini-van friendly. It is a tight squeeze. One of my new classes is across campus, so I am parking in a different garage. I am pretty sure that I made the security guards night last night.

As I am pulling up to the gate, I make a sharp turn and immediately my back tire bumps into the median curb - I can't pull forward. I think, "fine, I will just back up and straighten the van out so I can go through." I start to back up and then me front tire hits it and I can't move anymore without some serious damage. So I pull forward and my back tire hits. I am sure you can see where this is going. The WHOLE time the security guard is just watching me and trying to stifle his laugh as I am going back and forth. It was mortifying. It took me a solid five minutes (of sheer embarrassment) to finally maneuver the van so I could get through the gate without hitting the median.

I am glad I made someone's night a little more enjoyable.

Imagination

Bedtime
L: Mom, can you please lay down with me?
Me: Why? M is in there with you.
L: I'm afraid.
Me: M will protect you.
L: No she won't. She looks wierd. I think she is going to steal me.
Me: Steal you?
L: Yes!!
Me: Well if she is going to steal you, she would just give you to me.
-------------
Me: M, L thinks you are going to steal him.
M: Why?
Me: I don't know.
M: If I stole him, I would just give him to you.

Touche.

rapture (not the Blondie Song)

It was an average Sunday morning. I was cleaning up the kitchen while the kids and Husband were finishing breakfast at the table. I had just opened up the fridge when all of a sudden I see Husband lurch forward in his chair and grab the sides of the table. With a panicked look on his face he asked if we had felt that. The kids and I look at each other and then him and say "nooo..." (all of us wondering if he was going crazy). My mind immediately thought that maybe we had another earthquake and I just didn't feel it - which seemed unlikely. I asked Husband what he meant. He looked at us like we were crazy and said, "didn't you feel like you were being sucked down?" Well, um, no. He said that for a minute it felt like he was being raptured (this from a devout agnostic). I noted that if it was the rapture, he was headed the wrong way.

What Was That?

Uncle S (holding a small bottle): "Tracey, I want you to take this home tonight."
Me: "OK, what is it?"
Uncle S: "Love Oil."
Me (not sure what to say....this is very wierd): "Um..., did you say Love Oil?"
Uncle S (looking at me strangley): "No, Glove Oil - for L's new baseball glove."
Me: "Oh" turning bright red as I bolt from the very awkward situation.

I can pretty much guarantee this will be talked about at every future Christmas dinner.

Drunk Santa

I put together an activity for my Girl Scout troop. It was a game that involved matching the native name for Santa Clause from various countries. As I wanted to jazz it up, I put a picture of Santa on the paper. Imagine my horror as I handed the papers out to the girls when I realized the picture of Santa I had chosen was actually a picture of a drunk Santa holding a beer. Yes, I will be winning the Troop Leader of the Year award.

What not to do at Christmas

The other day, I received in the mail a large box from my father. My dad had warned me it was coming and to go ahead and open it. So I did. What was inside? A box full of old Christmas crap. My dad and his wife are planning to move to a new state soon and I imagine he was "cleaning" out and thought I might be interested in this detritus from the past. While this was annoying (because now I had to wade through it and throw most of it out), what was most upsetting was that he returned the etched in pewter "baby and grandpa" first Christmas ornaments. What?! Who does that?! If you aren't interested in them, at least have the decency to hide them in a shoe box in your closet so when you die we can think that you loved the grandkids soooo much you couldn't bear to part with their ornaments!